Let your hopes not your hurts shape your future
Some days it might just seem too hard to see past the gloom.
This is especially so if you are struggling with a health issue, or perhaps you are grieving with somebody suffering a terminal illness?
I know I grieved from the moment that my husband was diagnosed.
It is not always easy being the support crew.
Sometimes watching somebody die could be worse than dying yourself you might think, as you feel helpless to ease their pain.
But there is something that you can do.
You can be there to listen and to support.
Try to make every new day one earth a special one.
Many people do not get to see their children grown up or even enjoy their grandchildren and some do not even grow up. Life can be hard.
Counting each blessing as we receive it no matter how small it is, is probably a good thing to do.
It helps you reflect on the goodness in your life, and gives you hope and the strength to try harder to make life better.
I remember asking my late husband what would make him feel better. He answered me that he wanted to be treated just the same.
He wanted to be happy each day no matter what. He wanted to laugh with me and feel like I was just as okay as I was before he got sick.
He needed continuance. He needed normality.
He had already suffered through 6 life saving operations, and countless rounds of chemotherapy, and was a shadow of himself.
People looked at him with pity, yet I never saw him like that.
For me he was still the strong man with the big heart and assertive voice shouting at the referee on TV.
He could make me laugh at the silliest thing. When people asked morosely how he was, I could see his mind ticking away…
He would be inwardly angry that they looked at him with such pity and he would answer in jest always ” really good thank you…how about you? “
Sometimes he would answer “dying but doing good at it” That was reserved for the dark “do gooders” who never kept contact until he was sick.
They would then relate their news of their sore toe or senseless argument with somebody over something so petty that we would laugh about it afterwards.
It is natural to fear sickness or change
It is natural for people to fear sickness and often that will make them either stay away or just act like they are selfish or self absorbed.
Would it not be better to treat an ill person with the same respect as you would a healthy person?
Ignore their change of appearance. Ignore the wheelchair. Don’t talk to the person pushing it!
I remember my late father and his upset when he spoke to somebody when I was pushing him in his wheelchair and they looked at me to answer his question.
He barked at them in his Scots brogue ” I’m the one down here that you should be answering, not my daughter! – Are you stupid or something?”
Being supportive is not always easy when you are feeling like your world is ending too
I know I battled some days.
There was many a day I cried on my own and still today, so many years later I feel that same old feeling in the pit of my stomach as it overwhelms me.
The sun can be shining and the birds singing, and then a butterfly appears and I go inwards. Life is not always fair and people die at all ages.
I still feel the loss of my loved ones who have left this earthly world and I am sure that will live with me forever as it does with most people.
The best medicine though is counting my blessings
I start with the small things and then they become larger and larger and then I am overwhelmed with gratitude.
“If your problems outnumber your blessings, then count again. Chances are that the things you take for granted have not been added in”